Just Kidding!

Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbor and says, "I was only joking!" Proverbs 26:18

 

Sorry, this isn't a funny one today. I don't feel humorous this evening. So if you want to stop reading, you can. I won't get mad. But this is my mom's favorite proverb and it has a special relevance this week. So I am going on a little rant.

"I was just kidding!" That evil little phrase.

I heard that quite a bit this week. And it is wearing on me. To me, it's just a code. As a observer of human communication, I always try to look to the meaning behind a phrase rather than at the phrase itself.

And this one has a interesting double meaning.

The phrase comes in several different forms: No offense. Just joking. I was just kidding around. Calm down - I was only making a joke.

To me, that phrase basically means, "I just insulted/was rude to you, but since I tagged my insult with this phrase, you can't get mad at me. And if you do, you're the unreasonable one." Or "I was mean to you, but now you're mad and I want to avoid responsibility for what I said, so I am going to use this phrase."

It's the ultimate, get-out-of-jail-free hashtag. 

My students use this phrase quite a bit. To their friends. To me. To other teachers. And they are masters at using this phrase to excuse their own poor behavior.

The point is that, most of the time this phrase is said, the person is NOT actually kidding. They are simply trying to avoid responsibility for their words. Because words are hurtful. 

Now, I like to kid around as much as anyone else. I like a joke and laughing is my favorite activity. The quickest way to get me to like you is for you to think that I'm funny. But sometimes my words can be taken in the wrong way and hurt someone. I never want them to, but I am not perfect. Not even close - ask my mom. I make mistakes and speak in the wrong way sometimes.

But I make a pledge to myself a long time ago. I don't say I am kidding.

I say I am sorry.

I try to take responsibility that my words just hurt you and should not have been said. And if I don't, you have my permission to call me on it. Because saying the phrase, "I'm just kidding," is not only an excuse, it is a lie.

So the next time you hear someone say they are kidding, or maybe even say it yourself, think about my mom's favorite proverb. An apology might be appropriate, instead of a hashtag excuse.

AML