Just Kidding!

Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbor and says, "I was only joking!" Proverbs 26:18

 

Sorry, this isn't a funny one today. I don't feel humorous this evening. So if you want to stop reading, you can. I won't get mad. But this is my mom's favorite proverb and it has a special relevance this week. So I am going on a little rant.

"I was just kidding!" That evil little phrase.

I heard that quite a bit this week. And it is wearing on me. To me, it's just a code. As a observer of human communication, I always try to look to the meaning behind a phrase rather than at the phrase itself.

And this one has a interesting double meaning.

The phrase comes in several different forms: No offense. Just joking. I was just kidding around. Calm down - I was only making a joke.

To me, that phrase basically means, "I just insulted/was rude to you, but since I tagged my insult with this phrase, you can't get mad at me. And if you do, you're the unreasonable one." Or "I was mean to you, but now you're mad and I want to avoid responsibility for what I said, so I am going to use this phrase."

It's the ultimate, get-out-of-jail-free hashtag. 

My students use this phrase quite a bit. To their friends. To me. To other teachers. And they are masters at using this phrase to excuse their own poor behavior.

The point is that, most of the time this phrase is said, the person is NOT actually kidding. They are simply trying to avoid responsibility for their words. Because words are hurtful. 

Now, I like to kid around as much as anyone else. I like a joke and laughing is my favorite activity. The quickest way to get me to like you is for you to think that I'm funny. But sometimes my words can be taken in the wrong way and hurt someone. I never want them to, but I am not perfect. Not even close - ask my mom. I make mistakes and speak in the wrong way sometimes.

But I make a pledge to myself a long time ago. I don't say I am kidding.

I say I am sorry.

I try to take responsibility that my words just hurt you and should not have been said. And if I don't, you have my permission to call me on it. Because saying the phrase, "I'm just kidding," is not only an excuse, it is a lie.

So the next time you hear someone say they are kidding, or maybe even say it yourself, think about my mom's favorite proverb. An apology might be appropriate, instead of a hashtag excuse.

AML

Why I tell my students I failed Spanish IV

I failed Spanish IV as a senior in high school.

Actually, I wouldn't even use the word failed. I need a stronger word choice. A word choice with the type of punch you get the first time you drink whiskey. (No, I don't drink whiskey. I don't drink at all. It's just an analogy.)

My Spanish IV grade was abysmal.

Now, like all senior high school students in the 1990's who were failing classes, my mom didn't know this. We didn't have internet and all those fancy gadgets that parents have now to check up on their kids. It was the internet dark ages. My Spanish teacher told my mom during spring conferences my senior year.

Yes, my mom went to spring conferences during my senior year. WHO DOES THAT?

Really, I see few parents coming to this particular conference. By this time, kids have already applied and been accepted to college. What their student's teachers have to say doesn't really have much relevance anymore. If the senior is failing, they already know. If their senior isn't failing, then score one for that parent. Parents think that, by this time, their kids need to be adult enough to handle their grades on their own.

And I would support this idea. I don't have much to say to my senior parents during spring conferences.

But my mom went. And found that my Spanish grade was hopeless. I believe the conversation went something like this:

Mom: So, how is Ann doing?
Spanish teacher: She's failing.
Mom: She is???
Spanish teacher: You bet she is!!
Mom: Can she bring her grade up?
Spanish teacher: There is no way she could possibly do this. I am surprised she passed Spanish III. Ann does not have the skills to pass this class.
Mom: So what can she do?
Spanish teacher: Nothing.
Mom: Does she even need to come to class anymore?
Spanish teacher: Nope.

My mom came home and asked me if I knew I was failing Spanish IV. At that point, I gave a hearty laugh. OF COURSE I knew I was failing Spanish. This was not news to me. Mom was horrified. I was not. I didn't need the class to graduate and had already been accepted to college. It just didn't matter. I found

Now it matters more because, when I speak Spanish to native Spanish speakers in my classes, they laugh in my face or stare blankly wondering what I just said. I wish I had tried a little harder. But failing Spanish IV didn't ruin my life.

I tell this story to my students all the time. One reason is because it's funny and I can tell a story in quite an amusing way. It humanizes me as a person and students can relate to me better. Secondly, many of my students truly need to know that it is okay to be bad at something. Especially the brilliant kids.

I have had students actually start crying when they get an A- in my Public Speaking class.

Cry. Real tears. Wow.

They cry because they aren't going to get that perfect 4.0 grade point average in high school that they have always dreamed of getting. That will go on their high school transcripts forever. That will become completely irrelevant the minute they leave Drake University after graduation.

Now kudos to that student for having that goal. But perfection is not the way life works.

My students need to know it is okay to fail at something. They will fail at many things in their lives.

Now, don't get me wrong. My students need to try (especially in my class. My class is obviously the  most important one :0) But everyone has talents and weak points. And just because you don't do a wonderful job in Chemistry, Biology, Sociology, Algebra etc, doesn't mean you won't do well in life. It just means that might not be your field of employment. And that's okay.

So I failed Spanish IV and I relate that story to my students every year. I temper it with "Do your best" and "Try hard", but I also let kids know that you can be a successful person in this life without straight A's.

I didn't even graduate in the top half of my class. And I have a master's degree in Speech Communication. But that's another story.

AML

70 Days and Counting...

In August, I made the decision to sell my house.

This isn't a decision I made lightly. I had been thinking about it for quite some time. My mom Sandy and I always joked about buying a house together and my parents could live in the basement and be my servants.

I wish....!

Two years ago, my dad Joe suffered a stroke. It slowed his movement and his speaking a little bit, but thankfully didn't affect his brain function at all. So life became a bit more challenging for my parents. Then my mom was diagnosed with arthritis in her knees which slowed her down as well. Being in their late sixties, I wasn't really surprised about these issues and want to go on the record as being overjoyed that my parents are still with me. Many of my friends parents are not - or have worse health problems. So I am grateful.

But the problem is my parents live about 25 minutes away from me. When they need help, it's a drive. I come over occasionally to change batteries in clocks, move things they can't lift anymore, and generally help out.

I love doing this. My parents have done more for me than anyone can possibly imagine. I love my parents more than anyone else in the entire world, and it's been difficult to see some of the challenges they have been dealing with.

So one day, mom and I were again talking about the huge house we were going to buy so we could all live together. The next week, I found that she had talked to a friend of ours who is a realtor and was more serious than I thought.

So I decided. Living alone is getting old and I enjoy my parent's company immensely. I also want to conveniently be there for them when they need help and wouldn't mind having someone help me get my car to the shop and make me soup when I get sick. So there are a lot of benefits for all.

Now, 70 days later, I have started to experience what it is like to try to sell a house. A beautiful house. With lots of gorgeous woodwork. And one closet in the entire house. And a REALLY small second bedroom.

This could take a while...

AML

Why Did I Start A Blog?

So, why did I start a blog?

Basically, I want to work on my writing.

Not that I can't write. I can write very well. I learned in grad school that I can whip out a half-way decent 15 page research paper on the history of the bifurcated garment (socks) in days. With that one, I learned not to be sarcastic with my costume history teacher about research paper topics.

The place where I struggle is practicing my writing. Making my writing better. Casual writing. I don't do that. The people who know me, or have met me, know I am a speaker. I teach Public Speaking at Urbandale High School in Des Moines. I love doing this. And writing isn't part of the job description. I was excited about this fact; it means not grading writing. No English teacher enjoys grading writing. Actually, no sane person likes grading writing.

But, alas, those days are over. Not that I don't teach Public Speaking anymore, but I now teach English classes as well that require me to teach...writing.

And then I went to this conference called Iowa Counsel for Teaching English. The theme of the conference was telling your story. And, as they always do at a decent conference, they challenge you to do something different. To improve yourself in some way. There were post-it notes and a wall to put them on.

We all had to write down something we were going to try to do differently to become a better writer. Normally I wouldn't care about improving writer - I want to be a better speaker and teacher instead. But now that my classes include writing, I decided to take the plunge.

My post it note is on the top left. There...for everyone to see.

So here I am. But there are a ton of things I can talk (sorry - write) about. My house is on the market. I have decided to purchase a house with my parents because they are getting older. I am in my 13th year of teaching English. I am a born-again Christian. My rescue dogs are adorable. I love to read and review books. I tell people who ask if I have a boyfriend that I am holding out for an extremely wealthy sugar daddy. So this could get interesting...

AML